Essential Tools for Shadow Work: Surviving the Holidays

Dec 3

“With a lot of love and enthusiasm I introduce others to their hidden sides. I help them to let their demons and internal monsters come out. I stand like a hooligan encouraging them and cheering through the deepest recesses of their souls, so that this process allows them to connect with the ultimate lightness of their existence.” — Sacha Steuns

Shadow Work: Embracing the Darkness Within

In the world of personal growth, we often focus on the positive, on manifesting our desires and cultivating an abundance of happiness. But there's another side to the coin, a shadow side that we often prefer to ignore. This shadow side is the part of us that we've deemed undesirable, the aspects of our personality that we've pushed into the darkness.

But what if the key to unlocking our true potential lies in embracing this darkness, in integrating our shadow selves into our conscious awareness?

That's what shadow work is all about: exploring the hidden parts of ourselves, the polarities and contradictions we've tried to suppress, and bringing them into the light.

In this post we’ll explore our widely shared holiday triggers and how to deal with them, and how to craft your own shadow work toolkit to help you navigate the season more gracefully.

The Holiday Season: A Shadow Trigger

The holiday season, with its emphasis on family gatherings and reunions, can be a potent catalyst for shadow work. The heightened emotions, the familiar dynamics, and the often-unresolved conflicts can trigger old patterns and bring our shadow selves to the forefront.

In these situations, I've found it helpful to replace emotionally charged words like "difficult" or "painful" with one magic word:

"Interesting."

The feeling may still be there: the pain or the frustration or the memory. It's by default you get thrown back into your childhood or young adolescent patterns or ways of responding to each other and reacting to each other.

But for me, using the word “interesting” really makes it more like a game. This simple shift creates a space for exploration, curiosity and understanding, rather than judgment and avoidance.

Here are some common struggles that may come up at this time and some prompts for working through them:

Exhausted after a family dinner? Interesting. How can I tend to my energy before, during and after future dinners so I can enjoy them more fully?
Stressed about buying presents for everyone? Interesting. Is this scarcity mindset actually rooted in my financial reality?
Fighting with your spouse more than usual? Interesting. Am I feeling a need for connection that is expressing itself through conflict because I’m spread too thin?
Anxious about not being included in certain festivities? Interesting. Your turn! Leave a note in the comments of what comes up for you around this topic.

Crafting Your Shadow Work Toolkit

Shadow work is a personal journey, and there's no one-size-fits-all approach. The key is to find practices that resonate with you and to use them consistently, without becoming rigid about it. This could include meditation, journaling, walks in nature, or any activity that helps you connect with your inner self.

Remember, shadow work is not about perfection or control. It's about embracing the darkness within, about understanding the parts of ourselves that we've tried to hide. It's a journey of self-discovery, a journey that can lead to a more authentic, empowered, and fulfilling life.

Here are some tools you can use to help navigate your journey:

Journaling Prompts

Even if you don’t feel like answering each question, simply writing them down in your journal can help you begin to process your shadow journey.

What is my most emotionally charged memory about the holidays? What was “interesting” about that experience?
What is a specific pattern that tends to come up during family gatherings?
How do I feel differently this holiday season compared to last year?
What is a time I successfully navigated a challenging situation with a family member or loved one?
Write a letter to your shadow self. What does she need to hear?

Shadow Work Affirmations

You can write these affirmations in your journal or recite them aloud or to yourself as an inner mantra.

I embrace the darkness within, knowing it holds the key to my true potential.
I am willing to confront my own contradictions.
I honor my authentic sensuality.
I navigate the holidays with mindfulness and compassion, understanding that it can trigger old patterns and unresolved conflicts.
I am curious about my shadow self.
I embrace the journey of shadow work.
I am not defined by my shadow.
I forgive myself for suppressing my shadow in the past. I am now ready to integrate it into my conscious awareness.
I trust my intuition to guide me through the process of shadow work, knowing that it will lead me to greater self-discovery.

If you enjoyed this post, please join Sacha Steuns & Mai An Tran for the first ever Shadow & Grace Masterclass: a free, one-hour Zoom webinar where you’ll join with other women who are on the journey of healing through shadow work.

Sacha Steuns